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No Regrets

October 8, 2007 · 14 Comments

A topic that often comes up when we study human development is that when middle aged and older adults are asked about any regrets they might have, the most consistent finding is that they regret the things they DID NOT DO. Even if they failed miserably in a business venture, lost in love, never passed the bar, didn’t win the gold medal, or didn’t write a best seller, at least THEY TRIED. They didn’t stand on the sidelines wishing and hoping their lives were better or richer somehow. They took risks and packed in all the living they could.

Today in one of my general psychology classes, we listened to an NPR segment from “This I Believe” in which the woman was talking about living her life so that she’d have no regrets. She said that at each moment we are all dying; its also true that at each moment we are all living. Which do you want to do more of? She chose to live, and although she had been diagnosed with cancer, she stated that she still planned to savor each moment of the rest of her life.

Is there something you’d really like to try but are afraid to? In other words, what would you do if fear were not a factor? What is something you can do to LIVE the rest of your life so that you’ll have no regrets?

Categories: Human Development · Psychology · Uncategorized

14 responses so far ↓

  • psychcentral // January 29, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    Hi Jacqueline, Glad you stopped by and posted something.

  • Jacqueline Bodiford // January 23, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    thanks! ben franklin was a smart guy. I am not taking a psych class this semester but still enjoy reading the postings!

  • psychcentral // November 16, 2007 at 2:37 am

    You’re so young to have such wisdom. I feel that you’re absolutely right about your trials making you stronger. I’ve read lots of quotes about that, and one of my favorites is something like, “What hurts, instructs.” I think Benjamin Franklin said it, but I’m not sure.

  • Jacqueline Bodiford // November 15, 2007 at 7:40 pm

    I love that she said in every moment we are all dying but we are also all living. I take full advantage of the living part because I know how precious life is and how quickly things can change. I do have a regret of telling people how much they meant to me before they were taken but I have learned from that and I know now that if you feel something you should express it, good or bad. I believe that everyone should follow their dreams even if they are insane to everyone else. I have had many struggles in my life but I am pursuing my dreams and I will achieve them even if it takes me longer than others. I am willing to continue even when some mornings my body will not cooperate. I know this sounds kind oif morbid but I am glad I have had such a rough existence because I am a much stronger girl now and know that I can do anything.

  • psychcentral // November 12, 2007 at 5:53 pm

    Tiffani, If you’d gone earlier, you might not have done as well. I was out of high school for two years before starting to college, and I know that those two years were what helped me become mature enough to persist in getting the degree.

  • psychcentral // November 12, 2007 at 5:12 pm

    Patricia, I LOVED reading your post; it was so honest! I especially like the fact that you’re turning things around now so that you won’t have regrets. You’re a good role model for all of us.

  • psychcentral // November 12, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    Crystal, Just a quick thought. There have been times when I too have kept thoughts and feelings to myself because of the desire to maintain harmony and to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. Then one day it hit me that I was being hurt…my feelings. Don’t they count too??? That little question gave me the courage to speak up more often.

    Also, something else that I think about often in terms of human relations is that I always go for a win/win situation whenever possible. In cases in which someone is being quiet while others are freely speaking their minds and “running the joint,” there could be a win/lose or lose/win or even a lose/lose situation.

  • Tiffani T // November 12, 2007 at 3:03 am

    I think I am changing my life now so I live with no regrets. I was so afraid to go back to school that I didnt. If I would have gone to school when I first wanted to then I might not have the regrets that I have now.

  • Patricia // November 9, 2007 at 10:19 am

    I’ve thought about this subject many times over the last few years and have come to realize I have had quite a few regrets. I won’t bore you with all the details, but here are some highlights:

    I regret being so judgmental of people I’ve met because someone I incorrectly and unfairly judged turned out to be the warmest person I had ever met; but due to being so close-minded I didn’t discover her warmth and caring until she was dying. By not being open to people I robbed myself of a wonderful friendship.

    I regret not taking the time with my children when they were growing up because I had to hurry to work, store, or where ever I thought was so important. Here they are now with their own lives and all I can do is sit on the sidelines wondering where the time went.

    I regret not pursuing my dream to be a surgeon because I had to rush to grow up and get a job. I didn’t realize by investing some time upfront, I would be able to reap the benefits and rewards later. Now I’m at a job that pays well, but not what I would have picked for myself.

    I regret not being more brave to be true to myself. By doing this I misled myself and my family. I have listened to others far to much, constantly putting my feelings and thoughts on the “back burner.” If I had been more considerate of myself as I am with other’s feelings, I wouldn’t have been living a lie for most of my adult life.

    For the last couple of years I have been more true to myself by realizing I can’t please everyone so quit trying. Sometimes you just have to say “No, I am unable to do that” and mean it. Sometimes you have to put you first and not feel guilty. Every once and a while I’ll catch myself slipping back into my old habits and have to put myself into a time-out mode (a little pause is a wonderful thing to regain perspective and internal balance). If I catch myself being judgmental, I remember the friendship I missed out on. If I catch myself feeling sorry for missing so much time with my children, I tell myself I can be there for them now. If I catch myself procrastinating on a task, I remind myself of so many years of lost dreams and wasted energy. If I find myself not being true to me, I just look at the wonderful relationship I’m in and remember I do deserve to be this happy and love and be loved so freely. Now instead of living with regrets, I’m living to have absolutely no regrets.

  • Crystal // November 9, 2007 at 1:16 am

    I wish I wasn’t afraid to tell people what I really think. When things happen in the family and I know that the way I feel is right, I never speak up. I have always been the one to try and get along with everybody and not to cause any trouble. There are things that happen at times, and I just feel like I could blow, but I keep it to myself. I have a hard time defending what I feel is right. Everybody else says exactly what they feel, but I never seem to be able to do that with fear of whose feelings would get hurt. I also agree with Kim. I totally freeze when having to speak in front of a group. That really makes me nervous and it does show. The way that I can live my life with no regrets is to do the best I can do in all that I try.

  • psychcentral // November 6, 2007 at 5:35 pm

    IF is a powerful little word. I’m probabably “butchering this little quote, but what comes to mind is something like, “Of all the words words of tongue and pen, the saddest is ‘It might have been.’” Go for it, Melissa. I don’t think the Deity who blessed you with that great voice meant for you to be stingy(sp.?)with it.

  • Melissa // November 6, 2007 at 1:46 am

    If fear were not a factor, I would sing my heart out anywhere and everywhere I could think to sing. I was blessed with a wonderful singing voice, and my personal limit has been the church choir. For some reason, even though I have been blessed, I have so much fear when it comes to singing in front of people. I have come a long way because my boyfriend plays the guitar, and he and I will sing together while he plays. Between singing at the church and singing with my boyfriend, that’s as far as I will go! I wish I could go sing karaoke like so many people can do without having an anxiety attack :-) I also have the same fear as Kim, which may contribute to my fear of singing in front of others. If I could cast my fears aside, I would go tryout for American Idol and sing my heart out because I think it would be the time of my life. It would leave me with absolutely no regrets, regardless of the end result (unless of course, the end result brought me public humiliation :-)

  • psychcentral // November 5, 2007 at 11:38 pm

    You’re not alone; I think you’d be surprised at the number of people who experience intense anxiety about speaking before groups, large or small. Actually, a little positive anxiety is good because it keeps you “psyched up” and alert instead of monotonous and boring.

    Now to your wish. You can make it happen. You’re aware of the problem, AND you want to do something about. That puts you a couple of steps ahead of others who might stay afraid and lurking in the shadows the rest of their lives. There are dozens (hundreds) of articles and papers written about this topic, and I hope you will avail yourself of them.

    You’ve inspired me to look up more information on this topic to share so be sure to look for it. In the meantime, start visualizing yourself performing in just the way you’ve wished for, and hold that thought!

  • Kim Phillips // November 5, 2007 at 9:10 pm

    There is one thing that probably sounds like not a big deal to many, but to me is something huge, that I wish I could do….I wish I could stand in front of a group of strangers or in front of my classmates and read a presentation or a paper that I wrote. This has really been a problem for me ever since I can remember. When I was in high school and it was time for me to read a paper I wrote, I would totally freak out. I can remember once taking a grade of zero because I was too afraid to stand in front of the class and read it. I also remember that one time I had to get a friend of mine to stand up there with me to read a paper to the class that I had wrote (I had a great teacher). I have gotten a little better over that last few years though. Before I wouldn’t really ever speak to someone I didn’t really know or initiate a conversation, but now I can do that, some.

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