In both the intro and the development courses, the topic of abuse rears its ugly head. Although unpleasant to think about, this social ill and its twin sister neglect certainly exist. Daily, children are burned, slapped, battered, shaken, belittled, debased, and criticized beyond belief. Many are neglected emotionally and physically. They’re starving for love and sustenance, for hugs and hamburgers and kind words and milk. And then there are those who suffer sexual abuse by those whom they trust to care for and protect them.
Yet somehow there are children who overcome all odds, the ones with resilience. Resilience, the ability to overcome circumstances that place a child at high risk for psychological or physical damage, includes several factors. Their easygoing, good-natured, and affectionate dispositions work to endear them to others. Somehow they’re successful in eliciting behavior in others that’s essential for their development. Resilient children are also usually intelligent, independent, and have good communication skills. I’ve also read that many have at least one person “in their corner” on whom they can rely for support.
What do you think? Do you know someone who has survived abuse and/or neglect? What was his or her “secret?” Do you think it was resilience? Be as specific as possible. I’ve got a great example, but you go first.
We're psychology instructors (Jayne, Mark, Myles, Katie-in order of our being hired) at a community/technical college who are energized and excited by psychology and its applications to daily life. After all, what's the point of knowing about synapses unless the knowledge improves your understanding of moods, disorders, and memory (to name a few).
We've found that just about everything relates in some form or fashion to the science of human behavior, and it's our goal to help others to see that. Accordingly, we'll be posting opinions, comments, and questions and hoping that you'll respond. We'll also provide links to relevant articles and websites to further increase your knowledge
6 responses so far ↓
Jennifer Pearson // November 24, 2009 at 12:43 am
I do not know anyone personally who has been a victim of abuse. I hate even the word…I have never been abused physically, but mentally sure. Even reading this post made me sick to my stomache and sad, thinking about things I’ve watched on tv or read about…I just do not understand how someone could be so heartless to harm their children or anyone really. Anyway, that is how I feel about it. I could go on quite a while stating how negatively I feel about the subject. I did know of this girl that had grown up about 2miles down the road from me~she committed suicide. It came out that the reason she did is because her parents beat the **** out of her everyday and she would lock herself in the bathroom almost 24/7, missing meals and school. I guess she finally couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t her parents that took her life, but herself. It really has upset me everyday since I found out(its been about 5years, she was only 13). I wish I had known her. There are so many things I have thought of that I would have done…..
Tiffany // November 9, 2009 at 3:09 pm
There was a new lady who’d just started working with me about a month back and it wasn’t until I hung out with her outside of work that I learned her story. She’s had a hard life, having her sister’s and brother protect her as a child from their father’s sexual and physical abuse by taking her place. She was married with a child at fifteen, and then had a second child before she was eighteen. She ended up divorcing their father and having to move it with her mother. She had hit rock bottom, she went out drinking, got three D.U.I.’s and over twenty tickets in a matter of months, and then one day she woke up out of her haze and things started to change. She told me it was because of her children. She didn’t want them to live a life anywhere near what she had to live, and she wanted them to be good men who took care of their women and children and succeed in everything they do it life. I greatly admire her and all her accomplishments, and she’s one of the few women I look up to and inspire me. She is one of the strongest people I know. She’s come a long well financially, emotionally, and physically. She a happy, bright, out- going person who makes everyone smile and laugh. You’d have never known what she’d gone through from the person she is now.
John Savage // July 18, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Survive is the wrong word.
People survive plane crashes or car accidents or earth quakes. Unless you are beaten to death (which does happen) everyone survives child abuse in the sense that you are still alive. But depending on the severity of abuse, your life will never be normal and in this sense no one survives. Everyday can be a relentless struggle to get through the day without screwing up your life by making mistakes that you know you shouldn’t make beforehand. We are left with self destructive mechanisms in our heads that will screw-up everything in our life that is good, we do not think that we deserve them. Some people choose to forget their past anyway they can and some like me have to battle everyday just to try and have a good day and appear to be normal even though deep down inside I feel I don’t deserve to have happiness. I have to battle everyday with the facts of my childhood because I have a child and I will not turn out like my mother who mentally abused me and my sisters our my father who beat me on a daily basis. Unless you keep it in check you can end up just like your parents, which most people do because their children are easy targets for the hatred they have for themselves, even though deep down inside they know it’s wrong and they do it because that’s how they where programmed to be.
From what I've learned about you, I think you're probably what they call a "transition" person, someone in a family who says, "Enough already!" and consequently stops the generational "tradition" of abusing children. I KNOW you love your child (I remember reading the discussion post about his birth) and will continue to keep this strong resolve to control any negative feelings to hurt him. By the way, here's a quote from a human growth and development text (Feldman) that might help you: "Statistics show that only about one-third of people who were abused or neglected as children abuse their own children."Tricia Williams // July 15, 2009 at 6:18 pm
So I’m still thinking about this one. I’m wondering what you mean bythe term ’survivor’. Is a child who is helped along the way more of a survivor than a child who never had anyone “in their corner” or who dosen’t have the likeability factor or good communication skills. The child who dosen’t have the advantages of the “reslient” child will have a longer harder path but can still achieve much. Is a child who is picked up in a life boat more of a survivor than a child who must swim to shore unassisted? As a child I was abused severely and had many disadvantages. I didn’t have all of the traits of a resilent child, I didn’t have any support that I can think of. However, I credit myself for surmounting huge obstacles and I’m still overcoming.
Good question about what it means to be a survivor, one I don't know the answer to. However, about you being resilient, I don't think you have to have all of the criteria to be classified as hardy, strong, and resilient. Even though you might not have had anyone in your corner, you're pleasant, have good communication skills, and are above average in intelligence...all of which are also associated with resilience.Onion // June 30, 2009 at 2:57 am
No one survives child abuse, whether it is physical or mental. Survive is definitely the wrong word, I don’t think that there is a word for experiencing what you went through and have to deal with everyday for the rest of your life. And in doing so can make you hateful towards yourself and the whole world for allowing you to suffer at the hands of the ones that were supposed to love and protect you. If you’re not angry then you’re still hiding inside of yourself, the only safe place.
Help me figure out a better word. To me survive is different from "thrive;" it means that you "make it;" you do whatever it takes to get up and do what needs to be done in the best way you know how.Tricia Williams // June 23, 2009 at 3:20 am
In my opinion, in order to “survive” abuse one must focus on other than the abuse. They must realize that it’s their life and they can do whatever they want with it regardless of what is done to them. Even a young child must realize that if they allow themselves to get into the “victim mindset” the abuser wins. I don’t think that it is a necessity for an abused child to have “somebody in their corner” looking out for them, but it is definitly an advantage. I’d love to be that somebody for a neglected or abused kid.
Tricia, There are plenty of them out there who could surely benefit from the love and compassion of someone like you.