To continue with Barry Schwartz’s views of happiness and the paradox of choice, he suggests that people are happier when they make their decisions irreversible and when they truly appreciate the lives they have. Rather than thinking that the grass is greener on the other side and that just maybe you’d be much happier if you worked at XYZ Widgets instead of M & M Industries, maybe you should just stay where you are. Remember, the grass will still need watering, fertilizing and mowing wherever you are. And besides, don’t you have friends at M & M? And aren’t the hours flexible and the work challenging? Just look on the bright side and be thankful you have a job.
There are many other applications of this concept, and I’m sure you can find some in your own life. For instance, do you think knowing that divorce is an option that wasn’t available “back in the day” increases a person’s dissatisfaction with a current marriage partner? If you knew that there was no way out, would you be more likely to make the best of it and try to find some redeeming qualities in the spouse? If you knew that chicken noodle soup was the only choice for dinner, would you be better off just accepting it and being grateful for something to eat instead of squawking about how you wish you had pizza ?
Do you agree with Dr. Schwartz’s recipe for happiness? Do you think making decisions that are irreversible will make you happier than continuing to look for something bigger, brighter, and more exciting? What about the gratitude part? Does stopping to think about the many good things you have going on in your life make you happier than grumbling about what you don’t have?
We're psychology instructors (Jayne, Mark, Myles, Katie-in order of our being hired) at a community/technical college who are energized and excited by psychology and its applications to daily life. After all, what's the point of knowing about synapses unless the knowledge improves your understanding of moods, disorders, and memory (to name a few).
We've found that just about everything relates in some form or fashion to the science of human behavior, and it's our goal to help others to see that. Accordingly, we'll be posting opinions, comments, and questions and hoping that you'll respond. We'll also provide links to relevant articles and websites to further increase your knowledge
8 responses so far ↓
Hannah Norwood // November 17, 2009 at 3:53 am
I somewhat agree with him. You should always be grateful for what you have, because you could have nothing at all. But to make decisions that are irreversible can’t always be good. I mean, yeah I’m sure now that divorce is an option people would rather opt out the easy way than try to deal, but what about women that are abused by their husbands? I’m absolutely positive that the grass is greener on the other side for her. And you must always make different choices in life in order to reach new and exciting things, not just stay where you are and learn to accept it and be happy being mediocre. Say you work as a cashier at a fast food place, it might really suck. You don’t want someone telling you that you need to appreciate having a job and be grateful that you have that, when you could possibly get a managerial position somewhere else. It’s always important to reach for the stars, or at least aim for them. But when you are in a good place, or fair one, don’t just opt out because it is easy. Appreciate life wherever it takes you, and you will be happy.
I see what you mean. Although I haven't heavily studied the work of this man, I think he'd agree with you wholeheartedly on the cashier situation. Change is good, and for the most part, happy people are inclined to embrace it.Natasha // November 8, 2009 at 1:02 am
As I approach my thirties, I find myself appreciating and finding happiness in the most simplest and under rated things in my life. I was depressed when my previous employer laid off employees after being with them for a decade. The fact that I received a severance package and saved my money, I was able to stay at home with my two children and attend school part-time so that I can provide a better life for them. I found happiness in that situation. In today’s economy, it is harder to find a job if you don’t have a post highschool degree. The lay off came at the best time because i received lottery money and grants to further my education. Now I don’t have to miss my babies first steps, teeth, words, etc.! That has truly been a blessing for me. I don’t complain or get frustrated because now I see that everything in life happens for a reason. If it is to be taught a lesson or help us realize our own strenghts, we are learning new things everyday. Each person is ultimately responsible for their own happiness and success and if we don’t have any of those in our lives, then it is no ones fault but our own. Now I see that good things will happen in time, sometimes later than sooner but that is okay with me because later is better than never! I can honestly say that I am happy in this stage in my life, and even though things didn’t happen in a typical “order” or fashion, I am still grateful and look at the brighter side of everything in life.
Beautiful post and wonderful attitude.Carmen Conner // November 4, 2009 at 11:34 pm
I think happiness is a personal choice. I think you can choose to be happy or be miserable. You can be thankful for what you have or always want what the other guy has. (The old saying about the grass being greener.)
Unfortunately, the media tells people you are not happy unless you have such and such car or clothes or look a certain way. It is really sad that children are bombarded with unrealistic images of beautiful. Some of the world’s most beautiful people are not all that attractive on the outside, but they have a glow that says they are happy and they just make other people want to be near them.
The thing I have found that makes me “glow” is doing something for someone that I don’t even know. I will be in the drive-thru and will ask the cashier how much the persons order is behind me and I will just pay for it. I have gone to restaurants and paid the check for another table or send over desert and told the server not to tell them who it is from. I especially love to do this for elderly couples. It doesn’t cost much and it will really make you smile.
Great post! I'm so glad you found the blog and decided to post something. Your opening comments made me think of something Lincoln reportedly said...that most men are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.Christina Leonard // November 4, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I agree that making the best of what you have is actually the key to remaining sane, but that is not the case with everything. In a marriage it is but so much one person can do. It actually takes your spouse to want to make things work also. When you have a spouse that is not willing to do what it takes to make things work and instead he or she does everything it takes to push you away, then you realize that you are backed in a corner and their is only one way out. Yes life is what you make it, you can’t go through life complaining about everything because things could be worse than what they are. I am not saying that you can’t wish things were better and pray for things to get better, or even believe that things will get better, but I am saying that life isnt going to be a walk in the park. Yes, everyday I wake up and I feel that divorce is the way to go, but I do give him the benefit of the doubt, but only because I pray about it. I do come to the fact that you can only throw out but so many chances before you are pushed to the point of no return and this is not only with a marriage, this is with a job, with school, any decision that you make in life.
I see what you mean. I don't think any psychologist would expect a person to stay in a situation in which she was absolutely miserableJennifer Pearson // November 3, 2009 at 1:22 pm
So many people live these fast pace lives where everything needs to change constantly for them to be happy, but I think that taking the time to realize what you already have and all the positives in your life instead of the need for improvement would definitely be wonderful. Choice is one of the great freedoms we are allowed in the great United States…the fact that most of all Americans take advantage of them is great – the fact that most Americans take it for granted is terrible. Being appreciative of all the choices would be a great point to begin in the pursuit to happiness.
Good idea...becoming aware of how wonderful it is to have such a glittering array of choices, especially when so many people in the world do not.Nika Reddick // November 2, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I’m like the comment that Jerlene made that I think that one of my recipe for being happy is by making somebody else happy. I feel like that greatest gift to me is putting a smile on sombody face. Like this weekend.. I have a friend child who really needed clothes and shoes so Saturday I went and brought the child 3 pairs of shoes and you should have seen the smiled on their faces. It’s priceless. Your blessing in life is giving and not wanting to recieve anything from it. So when you are able to do something for somebody that should be the best recipe for you b/c you can be in the same situation and needing the same thing. You shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover get to know people and do things for people b/c that’s where you will get your happiness from.
Lots of truth in this, Nika. There are so many people who are overly concerned with me me me me me me me that they can't recognize another's needs. Plus, doing or getting something for one's own self is only going to make one person happy and for only a limited amount of time. On the other hand, helping another makes them happy and gives the giver a feeling of contentment that lasts longer.Jerlene Atkinson // October 31, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I have found that a good recipe for being happy is helping someone else and sometimes making someone else happy. When I find myself feeling unhappy or depressed, I go out and help someone one that is less fortunate than I am. Try visiting someone sick in the hospital or a nursing home. This will give you another outlook and help you understand that things are not as bad as you think.
Good idea. My mother used to have this book called A Weeping Eye Can Never See, and I could see the truth in that. If you're so busy crying and feeling sorry for yourself, you can't see the beauty in the world; nor can you see that others are often much less fortunate than you are.Demetria Wood // October 29, 2009 at 3:18 pm
I don’t think that making decisions that are irreversible or reversible would have anything to do with the cost of tea in China. People are who they are and society has taught people how to always want more. I think that people are never going to “Don’t Worry Be Happy” because most people always sacrifice the things that have in order to get what they think is better or going to make them happier. in all actuality there is no such thing. It may be for the time being but eventually it all boils down to the same thing. People live to think about how their lives could be better, how much more they would love their mates if he or she was someone else, or had a differ circumstances. the mind plays tricks on you all the time. Now I believe that people have to go thru something drastic in order for them to really appreciate the value of what they have. I always wake up thankful that the Lord woke me up in my right mind.(literally) because I could wake up not able to make decisions for myself. I am always thankful for everything that I have. dont get me wrong I am only human so I wish I lived in a brick home instead of a trailer. I wish I had a different baby’s father than i do cause maybe i would have more help. All kind of things but I wake up out of the fairytale and come back to the world where reality is awaiting. I realize life is a struggle and If dont do it than who will. So the thing s that i acn’t change I let go.
As you have indicated, sometimes the bottom line is simply acceptance and gratitude. For instance, you mentioned your baby. I know so many women who long to have children, and yet there are those who complain about how they keep them awake at night, how they eat them out of house and home, etc. You might not like the baby's father, but I can tell that you're grateful for the baby.