A couple of things I witnessed this past weekend reminded me of the trend in psychology known as positive psychology, a mindset that emphasizes optimism, personal choice, and happiness in human development and overall mental health. Generally, the so-called lay person thinks of psychology as a field in which people with mental and emotional disorders are helped by talk therapy, drugs, or ECT, and while those things happen, psychology is much, much more.
On Saturday afternoon, I was in one of my favorite retail establishments in Myrtle Beach when I heard a loud, angry voice. It was coming from a man standing in the aisle who was evidently upset with the way the young woman he was with had disciplined a child. He used the f-word a couple of times and then added the b-word to it. By this time, the small child was crying, and the woman was talking back. Actually, they seemed pretty evenly matched as far as their yelling obscenities skills were concerned. Neither seemed aware of the sobbing child, and as they walked away towards the door, both were still hurling insults and threats.
What does this have to do with positive psychology? Read on.
On Sunday, someone told a story about an old donkey who fell in a deep, dried-up well. His owner tried to get him out, but his efforts were in vain. Finally, he realized that nothing he did was going to get the donkey out of the well, so he came up with an alternate plan. He called his neighbors and asked them to bring their shovels so that they could help him fill in the well. After all, it was dry and useless, and the donkey was old anyway.
At first, the donkey brayed and carried on something fierce. He was scared and angry. Still, the men persisted in their dirt shoveling. Suddenly, they realized that the donkey was quiet, and when they looked down into the well to see what was going on, they saw something remarkable. Every time someone hurled a shovel of dirt on him, the donkey shook it off and then stepped up on it. The men continued shoveling, and the donkey continued climbing until eventually he was above ground.
You don’t have to be a psychoanalyst to see the moral of the story. When life throws dirt on you, shake it off and keep stepping up. You don’t have to get buried by dirt. You don’t have to stay trapped at the bottom of a well. No matter how many people are actively involved in shoveling dirt on you, you have a choice to shake it off and step up…or not.
How can this be applied to the fighting couple?
What a wonderful analogy! I feel bad for the kid. If someone doesn’t change their behavior in that relationship there’s going to be trouble. It takes two people to argue. As parents we have to set examples for our children…. Good examples.
I love this story too!I think that this can definitely be applied to a fighting couple. I believe that one of them should of been the bigger person and walked away. I find it’s harder to argue with someone if they’re not there to argue with. The adults in that situation should of talked calmly and came to a solution instead of yelling in front of the child. The donkey story could be incorporated into this because instead of arguing and fussing, they should’ve just brushed it off and talked calmly like to adults.
My father says things like “Look at that duck, He’s smooth on the surface but he paddles like the devil underneath”. He said that giving the same behavior as the one you have gotten isn’t going to solve the problem. When we become angry rational thought can be difficult. By not letting others dictate how we react we can often find a positive outcome in very dire circumstances. If one member of the insulting couple had remained calm there wouldn’t have been much of an argument.
both parents were acting innappropriately. i’ve seen that same situation at my job when some parents bring their children in to eat. it always makes me wonder if they know what that could be doing to their child, or really if they care.. their personal squabble could have been put to the side while they were in public but in that moment they may not know or care whether or not they are making a scene. the donkey story is so cute, and the moral is a great one. it just goes to show that even a creature that is often looked at as “dumb” knows when/how to get out of a bad situation. he stomped the dirt that was being thrown at him down and he got out of the well because he had an instinct, he saved himself and thats a great thing.
I think both the adults acted like kids…..They could have did like the donkey in the story and just dropped it and shook it off. It takes two people to argue, but it takes a bigger person to actually stop and take a look at what’s going on and put an end to it. Especially since there was a little kid present. This story has a great moral to it about shaking things off and not letting anyone burry you in life. You have to stay on top of everything, especially so people wont take advantage of you and walk all over you.
Some adults act like donkeys at times. Since they were in public someone should have had the sense to let it die until they were in a more approiate place. The donkey did not want to get buried so he used his head to change the bad situation, as one of the adults should have. They were throwing insults and burying each others at the same time, and neither could figure out how to defuse things, the baby had more sense he cried, u think that would stop them to tend to him. It seems some animals can think better than humans
I was thinking something along those same lines...about how animals can teach us some lessons!Marriage can never be perfect. We’re going to struggle from time to time, that’s apart of being human. But why spend time together hurting each other physically and emotionally? When is the line drawn? A fighting couple must find each other again. Wipe the dirt away and build up a positive future. We take for granted love, trust, hope because of other things that allow us to keep on living. No matter how difficult it may be, there is always a way out, you just have to take the iniciative to stand up and take that step up for a fresh new start. Just as the Donkey did, he started to fill as if he was going to drown, its seemed like there was no way out, and suddenly he made the decisoin it wasn’t going to be the end. He shook off the dirt and took his step to happiness.
So true. And just think: This was a donkey, an animal without the power of reasoning and analytical thinking of a human being. Even he knew what to do...and he did it!