The grown-ups were sitting in Dunkin Donuts at the Outer Banks when I got the text from my daughter Elizabeth that she’d just passed the halfway mark of her first 8K. Since she was walking, and her cousin Sarah Beth was jogging, I knew that SB would soon be nearing the finish line.
“Let’s go Y’all,” I said, quickly wrapping my pumpkin muffin and heading for the door. “If Lib’s halfway through, then Sarah Beth is probably getting close to the finish line, and we don’t want to miss that!”
Back at the school where the race had begun, I waited with my sister-in-law Becky. We were both charged with the happy anticipation of seeing the girls come into view, feelings intensified by the gorgeous day. With temps in the 60’s, a gentle breeze, the sunshine on our arms and faces, we couldn’t have asked for a lovelier day. Then too, there was music, laughter, squeals from children, and the smell of popcorn wafting across the center of the track.
We soon spotted Elizabeth in the distance, and I couldn’t help but feel a mother’s pride. She had done it! She had stayed the course and completed what she had set out to do. As she came through the open gate and onto the track, she asked me to join her in walking towards the finish line. LOVED doing that!
Earlier that morning, I had reminded both girls of one of my favorite terms in psychology, self-efficacy. Loosely defined as one’s ability to make something happen despite challenges and difficulties, I told them that self-efficacy is actually more important than ability. There are plenty of folks out there of average intellect and ability who believe in themselves and their goals so much that they work like crazy to achieve them. The moment someone decides, “I can’t,” she’s right. I had encouraged the girls to keep thinking, “I can do this! I can, I can, I can, I will, I will!”
As Elizabeth and I walked that last lap together, I asked, “So, was there ever a moment that you let doubt creep in? Did you ever find yourself wondering if you could do it or not?”
“No Ma’am,” she responded. “I knew I could do it. A couple of times, I just thought, ‘I don’t really want to.’”
I had to chuckle a little. Isn’t that often the case? We know we can. We just don’t want to. We’re tired or stressed or bored. We’d rather be stretched out in a hammock somewhere. We’d rather be doing anything than what we’re doing. And yet, there are times when quitting is not an option. We all have to do things that we don’t want to do whether it’s performing our jobs, getting up with a crying baby, paying bills, studying for a test, doing our homework, writing a paper, or completing an 8K.
At the finish line, we saw Sarah Beth with her parents. Happy and sad at the same time, she had achieved a personal best and yet there had been no one there to witness it. Since no one knew what a little speedster she had become, we misjudged her estimated time of completion. We all hated that, and I hope that she doesn’t let our poor judgment detract from her accomplishment.
Although they don’t know it, Elizabeth and Sarah Beth provided examples of some important life lessons, all related to psychology: belief in oneself, going the distance, and doing what’s required whether there’s anyone there to take note of it or not. Sometimes those private, inner victories can be sweet.
Can you relate to any of the three concepts mentioned in this post?
- Has there been a time in your life in which you left self doubt keep you from accomplishing a goal? Or how about a time when your high self efficacy gave you the encouragement to try until you succeeded?
- Has there been an instance in which you just flat out quit something? Were you a little disgusted with yourself about it afterwards? Or did you keep on keeping on? Despite the weather, fatigue, lack of skill, very little encouragement, or other issues, did you persevere and finish the course?
- And finally, have there been moments when you’ve accomplished a goal and had no one to witness it or to share it with?
I grew up in a family where as a child the mantra was “Winners never quit, and quitters never win”. I followed this then and I still believe it 40 years later. But when I was in high school I strayed from it a bit. I fell in love with my husband and I QUIT school. It literally haunted me that I quit. I recieved my G.E.D. but I was never proud of it, because I had not finished the “right way”. My husband and I have three children and at the mature age of 38 I went back to school at Central to finally finish what I had planned to be after high school. Sometimes I just want life to go back to how it was before I started college. I juggled a part-time job with family and chores. Now being in school its kind of crazy around here. But I can’t give up because I remember the feeling of giving up before. I am doing this for my family, but in the bigger picture I am completing myself. Its for me. It would have been great if Sarah Beth’s parents could have been there, but its O.K. that they were not. She did it for herself and she is obviously a strong person. Sometimes its better to hear the applause on the inside and not from the people on the outside.
At the age of 55 I found myself out of work. I wondered, “Now what?” Ageism makes it difficult for me to find a new job; the abundant competition is generally younger than I am. I spent my whole adult life wanting to go back to school; to finally go to college. I applied for a Pell grant, qualified, and registered for school. I have not looked back. Oh, yes, it is VERY difficult sometimes. I tend to be one of those people who has to be “perfect”, so I put a lot of pressure on myself. And plenty of days I’ve said, “I just don’t feel like doing this anymore”; “maybe I should take just one semester off.” But I keep moving forward. Why? Because it’s worth it. Because I’M worth it.
Heidi, Sometimes when I get tired of pushing forward, I ask myself how the alternative would be. You could quit, sure, but what kind of consequence would that ultimately have?I truly enjoyed reading both entries that were made by different individuals. I grasped the concept that we as a people should never quit, meaning total giving up. In life there will be various obstacles present, but one must lean on a higher power to pull her or him through.
I agree. At the same time, I like Joan of Arc's statement: "Act, and God will act."It was my senior year in high school, I’ve been planning play college football since I was in the 5th grade. Not to brag; I always thought I was the best in football. I guess I just had that confidence about myself. I have been playing since I was 7 though, I lived football. Well anyways it was mid season of my senior year and I still haven’t had any offers to play. I kept moving along doing my best next thing you know the season was over. I began realizing I’ll never make it to a college to play football again. My coach said he’ll do his best to help me out. Sent me and a couple teammates to visit Newberry College. I had high hopes, this was the school for me! I put my heart into going to this school and I wasn’t accepted. Me being me said, “I’m done with school. I hate it anyway! I’ll never go back.” I put my mind to it that I wouldn’t step into a classroom again. I felt a little jealous seeing and hearing my friends talk about where they going and what they gonna major in. It got close to registration time and my mom basically forced me to attend Central Carolina. At first I hated the idea, but I thank God she made me get up and come here. I’ve learned I can better myself without football even if it was life long dream. I still plan on doing something in the sports field. After dreams getting crushed I’m still finding a way to accomplish a better dream.
My older sister signed up to do the Susan G. Komen 3 day walk this year. Shortly after signing up, she found out she was pregnant. She was due in early November but the 60 mile walk was in late October. She knew the chances of her doctor letting her walk would be slim to none but she started training anyway. In May, she decided to try and change the walk to August in Minnesota instead. She was walking up to 45 miles a week. Not only was she walking but she created a design for a tshirt to sell to help her reach her mandatory fundraising goal. She worked her butt off, but unfortunately was $600 short of her goal. She ended up having to cancel the walk and I’m sure she felt horrible about it. She says she’s going to try it again next year and I’m sure she’ll make it. It ended up being a good thing that she didn’t do the walk because in late August she developed pre-eclampsia and my nephew ended up being born 8 weeks early. I know she feels bad, but I doubt she feels like a quitter because she did try her best. I have no doubt that she will reach her goal next year if she chooses to do the walk.