I have a young friend who’s going through a dilemma right now. Her mother wants her to have a big church wedding complete with several attendants, beautiful flowers, heavenly music, a precious flower girl, and hundreds of guests. The bride-to-be wants to get married at her grandparents’ home with only family and a few close friends. Actually, she wants to tie the knot outside in a grove of trees where she and her cousins played as children. Who will win? Will the mother prevail, or will the young woman be able to overcome her mother’s objections and have the wedding of her dreams?
This situation reminds me of one of Stephen Covey’s habits outlined in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Be Proactive. People who are proactive make their own choices, including mental, emotional, and behavioral. Rather than simply reacting to others and their demands, their quirky behaviors, or their draining influence, a proactive person chooses her own thoughts and actions regardless of the “weather” around them. Covey contends that a proactive person always carries the weather with her instead of reacting to the storms around them.
Covey further explains that for every event, situation, or product, there is always a first and a second creation. The first creation is in your mind, and the second is the actual result of the thought(s). For instance, the other evening I made some tasty chocolate lava cakes for a party we were attending, and as I thought about these tiny cakes, I realized how much prettier and festive they would look with pink, red, and white sprinkles on the top. I was right! They (the second creation) were both pretty and delicious.
All situations don’t involve cakes. Some are major and involve imagining yourself in a future career and then getting the education and expertise needed to achieve that goal. Others might involve life events like standing up to a domineering person like a mother or a boss. Regardless of the situation, I agree with Covey that there’s always a first and second creation. The problem is that often the first creation is in someone else’s mind. Sometimes people get into careers, relationships, and environments that are someone else’s dream, someone else’s first creation.
In the opening paragraph, I described a very real situation that will soon be decided. Will the bride stroll down the aisle on the arm of her father while hundreds of onlookers ooh and aah? That’s her mother’s first and second creation. Or will she tie the knot under an oak tree, thus making reality of her own first creation?
What about you? Is the second creation (your own life) one that you chose? Is it your first creation, one that you dreamed about in your mind, or is it that of your sweetheart, your parents, or society? If you could be more proactive, what would you change?
