I listened to an interview on NPR that fits perfectly into a class discussion about positive reinforcement. Based on a new book entitled All There Is: Love Stories From StoryCorps, the advice comes from a sign the author saw many years ago.
According to the sign, there are five things to say to your loved one in order to sustain a happy relationship. As soon as I heard those phrases, I remembered something similar that I’d read in an Ann Landers column many years ago. In her column, there were five phrases that women liked to hear and five different ones that men liked to hear.
According to Ann Landers, women find these five phrases reinforcing:
You look great!
Can I help?
I love you.
Let’s eat out.
I’m sorry.
However, men don’t necessarily find the same sweet nothings to be reinforcing. No, their list is different. Men like to hear:
You’re so sexy.
You’re a genius.
Dinner is ready
Here’s the remote
I hate shopping.
Do you agree or disagree with the reinforcement value of the above phrases? Do you agree with Ann Landers that men and women differ in what they find reinforcing, or do you agree with the sign spoken of by Dave Isay, author of All There Is: Love Stories From Story Corps?
We all know that words alone are not enough to sustain a long term relationship. However, since words can be quite powerful in reinforcing and rewarding others, don’t you agree that finding just the right ones to use with your loved ones could make a difference in the quality of your relationship? If so, what will you say to him or her?
